My P6s were having their Prelim and I had been helping them with their revision. Went through some topics on Science - their final paper and had some interesting discussion. My gals were present and so was the boy from Ai Tong who, as usual, sat by himself. During the course of asking and answering questions, the gals made some comments like: "Somebody thought that he is vey smart", "So and so is so sure that he is right" and some other remarks, without mentioning names. However, it was quite obvious to the others who they were referring to as the 'Ai Tong' boy was the only boy present (unless of course they were referring to me). The boy didn't take it quietly of course and started to criticise them too but I put a stop to the argument before it got out of hand. The gals did stop for a while but not for long. They continued to giggle among themselves till the end of the lesson. After I had dismissed the class, the boy confronted two of the gals, insisting that they repeat what they had been whispering about him. The gals protested that they weren't referring to him as they didn't mention his name. Somehow he didn't buy their story and threatened to slap them if they talked behind his back again. Not wanting to give in, the gals dared him to hit them which I believed he would have if I didn't ask the gals to leave the room.

Once alone in the room, the boy broke down. He complained that the gals, especially the two whom he had confronted earlier on, had been bullying him and saying unkind things about him behind his back. He then told me that he had actually ran into one of the two gals the day before at McDonald. She was with her classmates and the moment she saw him, she pointed him out to her friends and then whispered something to make them burst into laughter. Feeling embarrassed, he left without making any purchase. Then he regretted not going up to her to hit her to humiliate her in front of her friends. The thought somehow angered him so much that his breathing became more rapid. Then he continued that he would have really punched the gals if they had not left the room. In fact, he cursed that they be killed in an accident on their way home. He then clenched his fists and hit his own head, blaming himself for not having gone after them. Next, he said that he felt giddy and had difficuly in his breathing. Having been listening to his outcry silently all this while, I told him that he was feeling breathless as his breathing was too short and too rapid to be getting enough oxygen into his head. Told him to breathe in deeply but he claimed that he couldn't and began to cough and sneeze as if he was in great discomfort. Somehow, he managed to catch his breathe again when I told him that I would have to call for the ambulance if his condition didn't improve. Didn't say much to console him as he would have thought that I was trying to defend the gals and anyway I didn't think he would be in the right mind to listen to what I had to say. Sent him home and told him to write down his frustrations and to show it to me during the next lesson.

The incident reminded me of a scenario which I used to witness in school. Child A was feeling bored and decided to have some fun so he looked for child B. When he found child B, he went up to him and deliberately hit him on his head. Next, he pretended to run away and without fail child B would response and ran after child A. Soon, the two boys would be chasing each other around and playing 'catching'. Thus, child A has got what he wanted - fun, while child B remained upset and angry and wondered why child A has always picked on him. Child B has actually fallen into child A's trap of providing him with the fun he was looking for. If child B had not reacted to child A's hitting and ignored him, child A wouldn't have achieved his goal and would eventually leave him alone to look for another victim who would satisfy his need. Just like while my P6 boy was fuming with anger and frustration, the two gals could be enjoying their Happy Meal at McDonald celebrating their success in turning him into a cry baby. The gals had only wanted to have some fun, though they could have overdone it at times, my boy had chosen to see it as a humiliation and having allowed his anger to take control of him, he ended up torturing himself emotionally.

Many a time, we allow our emotions to control our reactions rather than permitting our minds to control our actions. When we allow our emotions to rule, we become vulnerable and would react irrationally. Worse of all, we not only make ourself miserable but also make ourself a prisoner of our own emotions. We trap our anger and frustration within us and lose control of our feelings. Life is too short to be torturing ourself over some nasty remarks or any other trivial matters. We should be setting our emotions free from confinement and learn to dismiss them as childish rather than to react violently to get even. Anyway, getting even doesn't make us happier, at least not for long, as the other party would want to get even too. Thus, instead of vowing to get even, remain silent and you might even gain a friend. Of course, I'm not suggesting that we should behave like a coward and not dare show our temper but rather we should show others that we are civilised people of substance and wouldn't fall easily into their entrapment. We have the right to be angry but we definitely have the choice not to be control by our anger. Learn to accept criticism gracefully with an open-mind and everything will become more bearable. It's only when we have developed this kind of 'indifference' mind-set that we will lead a happier and a more tolerable life.

"ANGER is just one letter short of DANGER."

"He who angers you, conquers you!"

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."